I guess I just want to contribute to whatever the big "so what" is. I think that's what grad school was about and what this ridiculous blog was about and why I've spent so much time in my life writing in silly journals in the top drawer of my side table in my journal.
I have a job where I get to write sometimes and even though the topics aren't really of my choosing, I love that. I love sitting in front of a computer and writing and deleting and obsessing over my choice of words. I would like that obsession to be about a subject of my own choosing.
And I realize that there's a reason why I always want to make films when I see one I love. I don't want to be just the audience anymore. I want to be the creator of some of those things that give other people the hunger I feel around inspiring things.
I don't know though, I think it just makes me a little mad about who I've become. I want to write but I want to write about something I care about. I thought McGill was the way to get there. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't; just because they won't let me in doesn't mean I'll quit though.